I can't believe my defense is over. This may very well be the last entry for this short-lived blog. I will only have memories left of you, dear thesis. I'm so happy you're almost over, but in a way, I will miss the rushed revisions, the photocopying and ring-binding expenses. I will miss the ten-second blackout. I will miss the gasps I had to go through while presenting you to my two panelists + adviser + my devoted batchmates.

Now, what to put in my acknowledgments. (:

So, I'm set for Tuesday afternoon. I've reserved the equipment, although I haven't done any other preparation. I will type everything I need on acetate tomorrow and I will practice on Monday. I will. I will get through this defense unscathed. I wonder what my panelists are writing on the pages of my ring-bound thesis right now. In the words of many Speech Comm majors these days, afraid!

Oh my. I think I'm defending next week. Lord, help me. The dilemma. There's a trip planned for the weekend. Do I go, or not? Eek. I want to - but man, thesis defense. How do I do this? I'm not yet in a panic though, because I still have no idea who my panelists are. I will die if it's Ma'am B. I swear, I will cry after defense. I keep dreaming about it - and that says a lot, because I never remember most of my dreams (if I even do dream). s:

My friends are having their defenses one by one and I'm still stuck with my final revisions. The work is overwhelming. Everytime I look at the red marks on each, take note: EACH, page of my nth draft, I'd rather sleep than edit it. I'm so tired. I've been slacking off more than usual and I know I should really get a move on it. I will finish this thesis. I will.

I honestly have no drive to revise my thesis. I've been staring at it for quite some time now and all I've done is move around some text to some other place. My draft is covered in pencil marks (and some occasional red ink marks, too - the horror). Improve. Edit. Delete. Be Consistent. I'm just so drained. So tired of school. I want to sit and do nothing, but I know I can't. Because in a matter of weeks, fate will decide if I should leave school for good. Ok, of course, I'm hoping that I will. Graduate, that is. I just need to get out of this rut and get back into business. It's already the end of February! When do I expect my defense to be, right?! Augh. Stress, stress, stress.

As of this writing, I am eight pages into my Chapter 4. One month since my last entry here. I'm seriously scared about my defense. My results show that there really is not much difference whether or not a student has engaged in OCC. Nyar. So, there goes the point of my research. It's so difficult to write down my findings, because everything's in numbers!

I'm determined to finish the last two chapters by tonight. There is no way in the world that I'm not submitting tomorrow! So the countdown begins.

I'm still missing 3 classes for my surveys!! Oh no. I hope to get my first 30 surveys back this afternoon, when I distribute them in the 2 English classes. I am seriously dragging myself just to do these things. I have no drive at all. I have to get some sort of inspiration, somehow. Like, now.